I had never seen my condition on-screen until the fluffy red panda.

How many films can you name off of the top of your head that feature, in an honorable way, a person experiencing PMS? That’s what I thought. There’s the quirky independent film "Girl Flu," but more often, in movies like "Clueless," "Carrie," and "My Girl," the period is the punchline.

In 1946, a ten-minute, animated Walt Disney movie, “The Story of Menstruation"—courtesy of Kotex— was released. A woman's doldrum voice encourages women to put on make-up, go dancing—basically, to shut up and act like everything’s fine. 

In one of the most bizarre clips, the voiceover says: “When you come to think of it, most of your routine is on the mild side,” while an animation of a woman dusting the chair, (yes, dusting a chair,) plays. 

Oof. And then: 

“Don’t let it get you down. Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you’ll find it’s easy to keep smiling and be even-tempered.”

Yikes. The writer of this film has definitely never experienced severe PMS, or PMDD, like I have. 

Seventy-six years later, the antidote to "The Story of Menstruation" is the newly released "Turning Red," streaming on DisneyPlus. (It’s also the first Pixar film written and directed by women!)

In “Turning Red,” Mei Lee is an overachieving, spirited 13-year-old. And then she gets her first period and wakes up as a giant red panda! With this transition, she experiences new bodily functions and deep emotions, like rage, depression, and horniness. The catch? Whenever she feels those strong feelings, she turns into the giant red panda until she calms down again.

At thirty-six, as I watched “Turning Red” with my 11-year-old stepdaughter last weekend, I was surprised to relate so much to a thirteen-year-old turned giant red panda.

In 2017, I was diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, a severe form of PMS. The episodes I had leading up to my period were dictating my life. I felt like a monster, drowning in guilt each month. I’d never heard of PMDD until I was experiencing it, and I definitely never saw it depicted in literature or films.

The red panda reminded me of my 2017 PMDD days; she wails on the floor, sweating, crying, covered in a blanket, screaming, “Don’t look at me!” My hair will be oily, my face ugly-crying, boobs bloated and sore. When I look in the mirror, I won’t recognize myself, and a few days later I will again.

“Are you a werewolf?” one of the girls at school asks Mei. This is apt, as we in the PMDD community refer to the week before our period as Werewolf Week. The r/Pmdd slogan on Reddit is, “Now we can all feel crazy together! Arooooooooo.”

In my memoir of PMDD, “The Red Zone,” I interviewed thirty menstruating people about their first periods, ranging from the 1960s to 2018. Twenty-seven out of the thirty first-period stories were traumatic in some way. Most people weren’t taught to support their period.

Mei’s first-period story borders on traumatic too, but the love and support she’s shown by her family and friends and learns to give to herself is eye-opening.

Mei realizes that when she treats herself with love and care, she comes back to herself. And when her posse of gal friends shows up, who are all so loving and supportive, they neutralize the panda.

When Mei’s father finds a video of her as the red panda being wild and pouring food into her mouth, she thinks she is going to be in trouble. But instead, we see a memorable parenting moment where he gives her the opposite reaction and tells her he likes that side of her.

“But I’m a monster,” Mei pushes back.

“People have all sides to them and some sides are messy. The point isn’t to push the bad stuff away, it’s to make room for it and live with it.”

Way to go, dad!

Just as I wondered if my aunts, mom, and grandmother had experienced severe PMS, asking about their periods for my book, it turned out that Mei's mother had a red panda too. Mei’s father described it as out of control and dangerous. The same exact way I describe PMDD.

Towards the end of the movie, Mei has a chance to partake in the sacred ritual her mother did to rid herself of the panda once and for all. As the spirit of the red panda tries to cling to her, we watch Mei and the panda whirl together in the sky. But as she’s trying to break apart, a montage of memories with the red panda streams across the sky - the panda receiving hugs, dancing - even the memories that were scarier, Mei now sees with a fondness.

Mei breaks the cycle of feeling ashamed of the dark parts of herself and decides the ultimate taboo; to keep the panda. “I’m keeping it!” she bellows, to her mom, aunts, and grandmother’s horror.

When I was dominated by my period, I remember talking about it with my husband one night before bed. (I was always talking about it!) Just as he drifted off, my husband asked me, “What’s your favorite thing about your period and PMDD?”

I didn’t know if he was being facetious or not, but I took the question to heart. I thought about it.

The relief of the blood. The smell of tiger balm. The way it made me more in touch with the parts of myself I needed to heal. The way the perfect brownie tastes. Period memes. Connecting with friends over it. Hot water bottles. How it gives me an emotional sixth sense.

Like the red panda, PMDD was embarrassing and I felt shame around it, the same way my mother, aunts, and grandmothers felt shame around their periods and PMS. It was only once I began treating it kindly, and met it with acceptance, that I began to transcend it.

Mei learns that integrating your darkness is superior to stuffing it down and denying it. She learned it at thirteen; I learned it at thirty-five. Better late than never. And if this is the Disney film about periods my stepdaughter’s generation is growing up with, then that makes me one happy (red) panda.

MEET CHLOE

Chloe Caldwell is the author of “The Red Zone: A Love Story” and three other books. Her essays have appeared in The New York Times, Bon Appétit, New York Magazine’s The Cut, The Strategist, Buzzfeed, and more. She teaches creative writing online and lives in Hudson, NY. www.chloesimonne.com

Chloe’s new memoir about PMDD, “The Red Zone” is available now! $1 from every book sold supports IAPMD. Order now »