Like an old "friend"

you always come back.

And I break.

Predictably, your menace

holds me in fear;

you always win

and I always lose.

I have no power in me

to choose.

I think of the end for me,

every single month.

I cannot cherish life

when you are on the hunt.

Without fail,

your evil prevails;

like a snakebite;

a scorpion sting.

Your unhappy reign

always takes me in.

Every month since I was a child

you visit me,

painful and wild.

I am not me,

though I try to pretend,

and you bend

my will to break.

Your thirst is slake,

and the world can never know,

as the madness visits,

how low,

how low

my heart can sink

into desperation.

My children bless me,

as you curse me.

A woman's lot

is not

to complain;

but I pray for salvation.

Again and again

I bite my tongue

and wrestle civility

from the broken shreds

of my deep humility.

As you leave,

slowly I gather myself back

from where I melted

through the cracks.

I make me whole,

and pray, next month,

you'll have mercy

on my desperate soul.

MEET MHAIRI

I am a 42-year-old mother of two, emergency veterinary surgeon, mountain climber, runner, and poet! I also started and run a wonderful children's play area charity in our local area. I have lived with PMDD my entire life, my mother before me and her mother before her!

Only recently I decided to start working more seriously on my writing and sharing on social media. I write a lot about hope and spirituality with fun and humour, and this is probably the least optimistic poem written as it is simply descriptive. For my own followers, the power is in how honest and raw this is in comparison to my usual very positive, funny, and hopeful work. I felt it was time I shared my PMDD experience through poetry and so I have written this for PMDD Awareness Month.

For women who are in the throes of suffering, sometimes something very honest and relatable can give relief, just to know you are not alone.

Thanks,

Mhairi x

To read more of Mhairi’s writing, you can follow her on Facebook and @rhymingrunner on Instagram