The Curse
Like an old "friend"
you always come back.
And I break.
Predictably, your menace
holds me in fear;
you always win
and I always lose.
I have no power in me
to choose.
I think of the end for me,
every single month.
I cannot cherish life
when you are on the hunt.
Without fail,
your evil prevails;
like a snakebite;
a scorpion sting.
Your unhappy reign
always takes me in.
Every month since I was a child
you visit me,
painful and wild.
I am not me,
though I try to pretend,
and you bend
my will to break.
Your thirst is slake,
and the world can never know,
as the madness visits,
how low,
how low
my heart can sink
into desperation.
My children bless me,
as you curse me.
A woman's lot
is not
to complain;
but I pray for salvation.
Again and again
I bite my tongue
and wrestle civility
from the broken shreds
of my deep humility.
As you leave,
slowly I gather myself back
from where I melted
through the cracks.
I make me whole,
and pray, next month,
you'll have mercy
on my desperate soul.
MEET MHAIRI
I am a 42-year-old mother of two, emergency veterinary surgeon, mountain climber, runner, and poet! I also started and run a wonderful children's play area charity in our local area. I have lived with PMDD my entire life, my mother before me and her mother before her!
Only recently I decided to start working more seriously on my writing and sharing on social media. I write a lot about hope and spirituality with fun and humour, and this is probably the least optimistic poem written as it is simply descriptive. For my own followers, the power is in how honest and raw this is in comparison to my usual very positive, funny, and hopeful work. I felt it was time I shared my PMDD experience through poetry and so I have written this for PMDD Awareness Month.
For women who are in the throes of suffering, sometimes something very honest and relatable can give relief, just to know you are not alone.
Thanks,
Mhairi x
To read more of Mhairi’s writing, you can follow her on Facebook and @rhymingrunner on Instagram