I was diagnosed with PMDD in the early months of 2019, shortly before I turned 23 years old. My diagnosis came, finally, after about 7 years of suffering, struggling with my symptoms, believing that I was sincerely just “crazy” and being dismissed year after year by doctor after doctor.

After receiving my diagnosis and starting treatment with hormonal birth control pills, I also decided to take a break from drinking alcohol. I refrained from drinking for the next 7 months. During those 7 months, I had time and the ability to reflect on my relationship with alcohol, and how negative and co-dependent it had truly become over the last year. In the months leading up to my large mental breakdown, which consequently led to my diagnosis, I had begun to use alcohol as a crutch for any and every negative emotion that my PMDD would bring about. Of course, I had no idea what PMDD even was. All I knew was that I was living a life where I was beginning to crave alcohol to wash away anxiety, depression, anger, irritability, to allow me to have fun and socialize in public without feeling awkward, to allow myself to relax and fall asleep easier at night, etc. Alcohol had become my vice, and, coming from a long lineage of severe alcoholics on both sides of my family tree, I was frightened when I took a closer look at the habits that I had begun to develop.

Choosing to stop drinking for an extended period was one of the best choices that I could have ever made for myself. After those 7 months had passed, I felt comfortable returning to socially drinking alcohol when at events, parties, and with friends and family in a controlled environment, rather than in my bedroom or my apartment, completely by myself.

Over time, as life got more stressful, the pandemic hit, quarantine dragged on for months and months longer than anyone ever anticipated, I felt my tendency to lean on alcohol to drown out any negative emotions making a comeback. I was spiraling downwards into a codependent relationship with alcohol yet again, yet the only difference was that this time, I knew what to do before it became dangerous.

In the summer of 2021, I began taking SSRIs for the treatment of my PMDD, alongside my hormonal birth control pills. Upon starting the SSRIs, I decided to again give up alcohol. I don't know if this decision will be temporary or permanent, but I do know that I feel healthier and happier than I have in a long time without the presence of alcohol in my life. I feel like I am managing my PMDD symptoms at the most efficient and positive level that I have ever managed them, after nearly a decade of battling this disorder.

I am so grateful to get to share my story with other PMDD siblings/warriors, and I am so grateful for every step of this journey, even the hardest and ugliest, rock bottom moments.

Alcohol, PMDD, and Me