She is Me

It's been almost a year since I began the injections to banish her from my life. I cast her out like discarded rubbish. 

I often wonder whether she deserved that. If I was truly prepared for what was about to come. Was it really that bad? Was she really that bad? 

I miss her. I miss the comfort she bought. I miss her presence. The way she made me feel so in tune with my body when she was around, how she intensified every emotion I felt. 

I don't want her back; she was destructive. She broke my spirit with her venomous words, her twisted dreams, and poisonous thoughts. I was broken when she was near. 

But I loved her. I needed her. I still need her. Without her, I am not whole. Now that she is gone, a part of me feels lost, trapped in a bleak void, forever falling further and further away. 

The world seems scary without her. I'm not sure who I am or where I belong. Life is less colourful & more stagnant somehow. 

I want to reach out to her, to feel the bitter sting of her impact on my life once more. I want to know that she's OK. 

But I know she is okay, for she is my PMDD alter ego. I am her, and she is me.


MEET BECCI

 

I am a mum of two & two stepsons, from Wales. I am an advocate for Menstrual Health, Children's Mental Health, Epilepsy, and Rare Diseases.

You can follow Becci on Instagram @1in20_pmdd_and_me


 

This Suicide Prevention Month, we ask that you take a stand with us to END SUICIDE from PMDD. We cannot lose more incredible women like Christina to this condition. Join us at the International Association for Premenstrual Disorders (IAPMD) to save lives.