We talk about this “other person” that emerges during the days leading up to our periods. This person that takes over and puts us on a roller coaster of emotions for days, maybe weeks. I used to hate her. But with help, I’ve started to embrace her. Over time, I even learned to love her.

Mi nombre es Soledad. Sufro con el TDPM y cada vez se hizo más fuerte y evidente en mi vida. Al principio pensé que era bipolar, no hablaba de ello por vergüenza… Esta es mi historia.

Hello to everyone in the IAPMD community. My name is Meghan, and I’m from Mississippi, USA. I would like to share with you my journey and experiences with my new diagnosis, PMDD, and also living with autism.

In my good weeks, I felt on top of my game. I had lots of energy and could do all the normal things like going to work, socialising, being a good girlfriend, cooking, etc. In the bad weeks leading up to my period, I literally crawled into bed and wished I would die…

For a while, when people asked me to describe PMDD, I struggled. I couldn’t put into words what I went through every cycle, how I would be completely myself for a week then I would change into a person that I didn’t recognise in the mirror…

As my bad days stretched from 2 days to 4 days, I would question myself: Why am I feeling this on day 12 when I’m not supposed to feel bad til day 14? What if this isn’t PMDD? Am I just being weak and letting things get to me that shouldn’t? Why am I getting worse after all the work I do to stay healthy? Did I forget my supplements? Am I not exercising enough? This self-judgment made me feel so much worse because it made me question everything.

In the months leading up to my large mental breakdown and PMDD diagnosis, I had begun to use alcohol as a crutch for any and every negative emotion that my PMDD would bring about. Alcohol had become my vice, and I was frightened when I took a closer look at the habits that I had begun to develop…

I am the 74-year-old father of a 36-year-old daughter who suffers monthly from the most acute symptoms of PMDD that would light up any tracking chart…I’m determined to find relief for my precious daughter’s monthly traumatic suffering before my last breath; even then I will find a way.

In my follicular phase, I feel like my normal self: happy, healthy, well-adjusted, and in balance. The luteal phase is a whole different ball game. Progesterone becomes the dominant hormone, and we PMDD sufferers tend to feel terrible. Some people refer to this as ‘hell week’ though for me (and I am sure for many others) it is more like ‘hell fortnight.’

I was ecstatic when I was selected as a member of the Patient Insight Panel. I felt compelled to use my experience to advance the knowledge on PMDD. But I would be lying if I said that any part of it was easy. Truly it was one of the most emotional experiences of my life and some of the most impactful work I have ever contributed to

For a very long time, my PMDD experience was full of shame and secrecy. Very few knew how I suffered. I could not explain to others “what was wrong with me” because I didn’t know, and at that time, I couldn’t possibly put into words the depths of torture my own mind put me through monthly. In December 2020, I was finally diagnosed and since then my involvement in the world of premenstrual disorders has ballooned!

I realized I was a guest in this patient-oriented space at IAPMD and that my seat at the table was contingent upon my respect for the patient experience. This organization that was built out of shared desperation and trauma was clearly providing a lifeline for so many patients attending the conference, as well as thousands more online. And they couldn’t, just to placate some young scientist's ego, give up their focus on the patient experience.

PMDD for me is planning my life around it. I won't travel, schedule anything fun or social, for those 10 days. 10 days. 10 days of my life, bowing down to that nameless "thing" that holds me hostage. That "thing" that turns me into my evil twin. She's mean. She's impatient. She's anxious. She's exhausted…

Suicidal thoughts can often arise before our periods for those of us who are sensitive to hormone changes or live with PMDD. They can be distressing and painful, but there are many things we can do in the moment to cope and allow them to pass. They always pass. Through the darkest moments, remember that there is hope, there is help, and you are not alone.

When I got my period at twelve years old, my emotions took a turn for the worst. I would spend the next 15 years engulfed with symptoms, the worst of all - suicidal thoughts. I’d learned to hide and suppress my emotions, so no one to this day knows the extent of how serious my thoughts have been…I’m sharing my story with the world because of my daughter. I want her mental health to be supported and accepted as she grows up. I never want her to have to hide who she is or what she’s going through.

Every time, it hits like a bus. PMDD is here again. And I sorrow. I ache. I mourn…May is Mental Health Awareness Month, so today I am getting vulnerable and sharing my experience with PMDD – Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder – a mental illness I was diagnosed with after 20 years of not knowing what was “wrong” with me.

Two years ago, I found out I had PMDD and, since then, I have been walking my personal healing journey. As I walk along the bumpy path of it, I try different things, I go through the ups and downs, and I discover new things about myself. I am conscious that it is a very long and steep journey, but I am also conscious of how much my body, mind, and spirit were disconnected initially, and how far I have come since then.

My “anxiety cycles,” as my loved ones and I called them, began increasing in frequency and severity about three years ago. Rather than occurring 2-3 times per year, they were hitting nearly every four weeks…I try explaining to others how miserable I am, but I can’t find the right words to express the severity of what I’m experiencing. So, I retreat deeper into my own darkness. Days later, the storm lightens a bit, and finally, the sun emerges from the clouds. I put on a brave smile and return to the world, all the while dreading the next cycle that is inevitably on the horizon.

My PMDD symptoms began two years ago after I had my third child. I would be emotionally inconsolable, crying in the fetal position, yelling nonstop at my husband and kids. I had chills all over like I had the flu and extreme anxiety which made me unable to function. At times I felt completely out of control of my own body.

I am learning to listen to my anger, and allow it to guide me to where I need to step forward and gently look towards. Ok, anger.. you’re asking me to do something! What?!

“Like an old "friend"

you always come back.

And I break.

Predictably…”

An honest and raw poem on living with PMDD.

“Every day, I’d work a full eight hours on auto-pilot, come home, get into my dressing gown, then sit on the sofa and sob until bedtime. I was obsessing over every single intrusive thought that entered my mind and I still couldn't put my finger on why I would feel okay one week and then tumble back into darkness the next…”

PMDD can be hard on our sex lives with symptoms, medications, and treatment options sometimes keeping us from the intimacy, connection, and desire we want. Here are some suggestions on how to raise your libido with PMDD if it’s something you’re looking to work with.